introspection

These past couple of weeks have been quite a ride: Filled with introspection and rememberance. It all started with this innocuous exercise on Facebook - writing "25 Random things about me." But, what started as a relatively benign exercise turned into an incredibly deep and rewarding experience.

In contemplating these random things that have been part of my life, I found myself, and continue to find myself, having this incredible journey: Remembering amazing experiences and people. In fact, I have spent an inordinate amount of time - in fact more time than I have in a very long while - thinking about one of the key turning points of my life... Falling in love the very first time. It's wild to think about Dwight Alan McMullen. At times I think that perhaps I should feel guilty about still harboring such intense feelings for him... long dead.... but still such a part of the fabric of my being. Should I retain these feelings still after being with Kurt for the past 18 years?

Weird, huh? But, I feel so at peace. And Kurt tells me that he's not worried. Dwight's dead, after all. Ahhh, but what if Dwight was still alive? That's the big unanswerable question. :)

But, it's good. I called Dwight's mom today. I haven't spoken to her since Dwight died 18 years ago. It was overdue.